Gone Chocco

G’day GoneChocco readers and a very belated Happy 2010 to you all. I’ve been away offline doing the Christmas and new year thing with family and then spent a glorious two weeks in Tasmania; the state of boiling hot coffees, roadkill and fudge (you can read about it here).

However, even the most vague eater of chocolate tends to say, “So isn’t the Cadbury factory down there?” and my wordy indeedy it is. However, I was aware that they’d cancelled their factory tours a couple of years ago (my heartbreak can be witnessed here) but that their on-site shop and displays were worth a visit.

So, when the day arrived, bright and sunny, I was excited.  Yes, it’s just Cadbury and yes, I’m a relatively responsible 41 year old with a child and a mortgage, but I still felt a bit of a thrill walking through what – it must be said – was a rather uninspiring entrance to our largest Chocolate manufacturer.

It cost three of us (Two adults and a child) $17.50 to enter. “But I just want to check out the shop,” I whinged but the uncaring old bag behind the counter pointed to a sign that said even those just wanting to visit the shop were required to pay the entry fee, ‘but we encourage you to visit our informative displays as well.’  I frowned, undecided, until Love Chunks said “Oh come on, we’re here now, let’s go inside.”

We were each handed a 95 gram box of favourites as we walked in, which was rather nice.  The bloke was reaching into this rather large treasure chest and I noted that each box was perilously close to its use by date: not that that’s ever put me off before.

I felt a duty to visit what the brochure describes as ‘a rich diverse chocolate experience, bringing locals and visitors together to enhance the Cadbury brand’ and ventured into the demonstration area.  A nice chap was chatting about the ingredients of Cadbury chocolate, standing behind a counter with clear plastic boxes filled with things like cocoa nibs, sugar and milk powder in them.  If we were patient (and when chocolate’s around, I always am), we got a tiny cup of crumbed chocolate to try and a cup of their ’secret ingredient’ which tasted suspiciously like crumbly brown sugar.

Perhaps the demonstration of chocolate molding would be a tad more, um, interesting.  Alas, no.  What we saw was a woman who was perhaps the Aussie relative of the ‘Computer says no’ lady from Little Britain and Patsy Biscoe’s (ask your mother) sister, clearly bored out of her skull and trying (unsuccessfully) to show us how just exciting it is that Cadbury have made larger sized molds now for their caramello koalas.

Perhaps the shop – with all my pre-heard tales of crazy bargains – would be worth the entry fee….?

Nope.  To be fair, you could buy nearly past their used-by date family blocks (200- 230 grams) for $2.75, but bars were at supermarket prices and the only crazy bargain available during our visit were huge 5 kilogram bags filled only with dodgy versions of the strawberry chocolates found in Cadbury Roses and in a square of the execrable ‘Snack’ block.  No thanks.

I might have been one of the few people to wander out empty-handed and my last resort was their historical display (some lacklustre posters and old easter egg shapes) and souvenirs.

And, after paying $17.50 for frankly a pissweak ‘experience’ that does not ‘enhance the Cadbury brand’ in my or my family’s eyes, I was not then going to pay $60 for a dodgy polar fleece jacket or five bucks for a plastic pen.  Surely if we have to shell out a fee to come in, then the souvenirs could be scaled down to merely ‘expensive’ prices instead of ‘blatantly insulting rip off’ levels?

Later, after chatting about the experience with the owner of a BnB we stayed at, Peter nodded and said, “You’d be better off going to our Chicken Feed shops which are all over Tassie. They always have cheap Cadburys available.”  Plus you don’t have to pay a $17.50 surcharge to get it.

By all means enjoy Cadbury chocolate and your visit to Hobart, but don’t bother with the factory.  It’s a pretty sad day when such a huge corporation offers such a tepid Visitor Centre only designed to suck more money from gullible tourists and whose leaflet can only legitimately shout ‘Ample FREE parking’ as a genuine attraction.  AVOID.